The character I was then was in many ways unloveable and unforgivable – to those I opposed. And the feedback was that I was always on guard, on the lookout, touchy, scared wolf, etc.
But the feeling was always with me. I always returned to it – the returning to which invalidated everything that just happened.
If I spent a moment in love, that moment was invalidated by returning to the default of depression. If I gave a gift in charity, that good action was also sabotaged.
I just noticed this morning that that feeling of depression is no longer there. In its place is a feeling of upliftment. My emotional floor has risen and I no longer go down into baseline depression.
I attribute that to the Porlana C and photon energies that are blanketing us. But also to the cleansing process. And the immediate cause was the change of direction in the wholesale switch to inoffensive behavior.
I compared what’s happening in this switch to having a root canal. I need to go right down to the roots if I’m to retire this number from my repertoire.
If I don’t get it at its roots, at the deepest levels of my experience, it still operates. It colors everything. It preselects confrontation from among the range of responses available to me and ignores the rest.
Therefore, those other, non-confrontational responses are not offered me.
That makes the fact that confrontation is still operating almost invisible. In many ways its operation can only be inferred from the range of choices offered me. Unless exceptional circumstances bring it into view, like Archangel Michael’s invitation.
The still mind I’m experiencing, which I just noticed recently, is a joy to be with.
But it’s still susceptible to things like worry, unlike transformative love, which is not subject to them.
Worry shoots through it like a streamer and registers on my body like a jolt of electricity. Fear follows it.
Nevertheless, the more I focus on the still mind, the less worry arises.
Who is the I that focuses on the still mind? Let me contemplate that in stillness.
Obviously I’m intended to focus on the stillness. The Father is stillness.
But this is all new to me and I don’t know what lies ahead. I can only report my own Ascension journey moment-by-moment.