I’m quite drawn to cocooning these days.
My thanks to various friends who’ve allowed me to withdraw from organizational connections right now and just go inward.
It’s confronting to me to go inwards because I may lose touch with the baseline of events I’ve agreed with myself to stay in touch with. My writing will change, I lament. You may not like it.
But there is no resisting the inward pull. I make a mess of things when I do resist it.
The thread in everything I’m doing now is the maintenance of self-awareness. That’s the ante in this pot, the stake in this game. And the reach of my awareness just keeps going deeper and deeper, while at the same time I maintain a normal life. That’s a balancing act.
On some occasions, I’m pushing through to something. On other occasions, I’m maintaining neutral but unbroken awareness of it. And so on.
Strategies to reduce my mechanicalness and deepen my experiencing vary. But through it all I maintain conscious awareness of myself – my thoughts, my feelings, my behavior.
A lot of things are coming together. Informationally, several scenarios are beginning to make sense to me and I’m able to construct a reasonable narrative of events (the Historian in me).
Emotionally I’m beginning to feel comfortable defending my boundaries if I’m pressed or opening in transparency if I’m invited.
At deeper levels of consciousness than that, I feel an intuitive comfortableness with myself, a sense that I do indeed go deep (as we all do) and that in time all will unfold. Then or now, the task remains the same: To serve the Mother’s Plan. We’ll just feel a little more confidence and competence in playing our roles.
For me that task is building Nova Earth – Ending hunger on the planet, drought, homelessness, disease, infirmity, and every other unworkable condition.
And somehow I sense that there’s a connection between the work I do plunging into myself with my awareness, into my center, into my heart and ending unworkability in the world. You may see the connection right away. But I don’t see it yet. I only believe and intuit that there is.